Modern Love

The New York Times

For 20 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp read less

Our Editor's Take

The original seasons of the Modern Love podcast featured a star-studded lineup of celebrity guests. Listeners were regaled with stories (from the New York Times) of relationships by the likes of Kristen Bell, Emmy Rossum, and Amber Tamblyn.

In 2020, the Modern Love podcast was relaunched with a new sound and feel hosted by New York Times editors Miya Lee and Daniel Jones (creators of the original column). Lee and Jones' relaunch peels away the celebrity element and re-focuses the attention on stories themselves, letting listeners revisit old loves—as it were—with renewed perspective. Adding expert narration to these tales of love lost and found brings them to life in brand new ways. The extra commentary brings further context to these timeless tales.

In 2022, the podcast torch passed to Anna Martin, who came on the podcast as a host and producer. Continuing the tradition of sharing the glorious highs and gut-wrenching lows of what it means to fall in love, Martin also answered a brand new question: What does it mean to love during a global pandemic?

The episodes often feature interviews with the very people that lived these visceral experiences of love and life. Listeners will learn about and experience all the shades of love, including the "ham sandwich" effect and the levity of dating deal-breakers. Laugh, cry, and blush from embarrassment and pure joy as Modern Love dives into love stories of all kinds.

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He Saved Me. Now It Was My Turn to Save Him.

He Saved Me. Now It Was My Turn to Save Him.

When Laura Cathcart Robbins checked into rehab for a severe Ambien addiction, all she could think about was getting out and going home to her two young sons. Laura was also in the middle of a divorce and facing a possible custody battle so she wasn’t looking to make her life more complicated. Laura tells the host Anna Martin about the unexpected bond she formed during the worst 30 days of her life and what happened when she came out the other side.This episode is adapted from Laura’s 2024 essay, “Marriage Made an Actor Out of Me.” Her memoir, “Stash: My Life in Hiding” is available now, and she hosts a podcast called “The Only One in the Room.”What were your worst dates of 2024? We’re working on an episode about the dating memories you want to forget. We want to know: What was the worst date you went on this year? What happened? And what do you want to do differently when it comes to love in the new year? You don’t have to be single to share your story. If you’re partnered and went on an awful date, we want to hear from you, too. Send us your story by recording a voice memo (just a few minutes long) and emailing it to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com. Please include your name and where you’re from. You might hear your voice on a future episode of Modern Love.How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Episodios

He Saved Me. Now It Was My Turn to Save Him.

He Saved Me. Now It Was My Turn to Save Him.

When Laura Cathcart Robbins checked into rehab for a severe Ambien addiction, all she could think about was getting out and going home to her two young sons. Laura was also in the middle of a divorce and facing a possible custody battle so she wasn’t looking to make her life more complicated. Laura tells the host Anna Martin about the unexpected bond she formed during the worst 30 days of her life and what happened when she came out the other side.This episode is adapted from Laura’s 2024 essay, “Marriage Made an Actor Out of Me.” Her memoir, “Stash: My Life in Hiding” is available now, and she hosts a podcast called “The Only One in the Room.”What were your worst dates of 2024? We’re working on an episode about the dating memories you want to forget. We want to know: What was the worst date you went on this year? What happened? And what do you want to do differently when it comes to love in the new year? You don’t have to be single to share your story. If you’re partnered and went on an awful date, we want to hear from you, too. Send us your story by recording a voice memo (just a few minutes long) and emailing it to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com. Please include your name and where you’re from. You might hear your voice on a future episode of Modern Love.How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Bridget Everett Says a Best Friend Can Be Your Greatest Love

Bridget Everett Says a Best Friend Can Be Your Greatest Love

Stories of romantic love are everywhere, but the actor, singer and comedian Bridget Everett says great friendships deserve our time and attention, too. Not just onscreen, but in reality.On the HBO Original series “Somebody Somewhere” (now in its third and final season), Everett stars as Sam, a character inspired by the actor’s own life. She tells Anna about how heartbreaking, hilarious and central platonic friendship is in the fictional world of the show, and in Everett’s own relationships.Everett also reads a Modern Love essay called “When Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship,” by the novelist Victor Lodato. Lodato was in his 40s when he accidentally found his “person,” and became the platonic life partner of an artist in her 80s who lived across the street.“Somebody Somewhere” is now streaming on Max.In April 2024, Lodato published “Honey,” a novel inspired by Austin Brayfield, the friend he wrote about in his essay.Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962‬, and please include your name, hometown and a callback number.How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

My Dad Is George Lopez. We Healed Our Relationship With a Sitcom.

My Dad Is George Lopez. We Healed Our Relationship With a Sitcom.

The actress and producer Mayan Lopez has seen a majority of her life play out on television.Her father, the comedian George Lopez, produced and starred in a hit ’90s sitcom based on his real-life relationship with Ann Serrano, Mayan’s mother. But their fictionalized story became a reality when she watched her parents go through a very messy, public divorce.The experience could have shattered the family beyond repair. But more than a decade later, Mayan and her father have turned their painful experience into another sitcom on NBC, based on their relationship. It’s all very meta. The show is called “Lopez vs. Lopez.”Mayan reads a Modern Love essay about a daughter who also watched her parents’ marriage fall apart, but then as an adult sees them repair their relationship. The essay, “The Original Conscious Uncouplers,” by Cole Kazdin, explores what it means to redefine what a family means after divorce.Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962‬, and please include your name, hometown and a callback number.How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

One Last Conversation, With the Help of A.I.

One Last Conversation, With the Help of A.I.

Madeline de Figueiredo lost her husband, Eli, just a year after they married. After his death, she tried everything she could to reconnect with him: cooking from his recipe book, dancing to playlists he made, watching videos of him and listening to voice mail messages he left her. But her grief persisted.Then, on what was supposed to be Eli’s 27th birthday, Madeline realized she could use A.I. to recreate his voice and try to talk to him again. On this episode of the “Modern Love” podcast, Madeline tells us what it felt like to hear that recreation of Eli’s voice, and how it changed the way she reconnects with him.This episode is adapted from Madeline’s Modern Love essay from 2024, “Our Last, Impossible Conversation.”We want to hear from you! We’re looking for stories, thoughts and feelings about egg freezing. Are you planning to freeze your eggs? What are you considering? Have you frozen your eggs? What happened, and how do you feel about it now? Leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline at (212) 589-8962‬. Please include your name, hometown and a callback number.Want to submit your own Modern Love essay to The New York Times? Read how, or consider submitting a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Amelia Dimoldenberg Can Teach You How to Flirt

Amelia Dimoldenberg Can Teach You How to Flirt

Whether it’s Cher or Paul Mescal, Amelia Dimoldenberg can turn her “dates” at a fast-food restaurant into chemistry-fueled, revealing interviews. The dates may be fake, but viewers are always left with the impression that the celebrity guest would probably be game for a second one.Amelia reads a Modern Love essay from Rachel Fields, who is not sure how her last date has gone. After sending a risky text message, Rachel’s insecurities cloud her morning routine as she waits for a response. Amelia offers tips on how to soothe the anxieties that creep up in the early phases of dating, and how to feel confident throughout the process.Her show, “Chicken Shop Date” is celebrating its 10th anniversary this month.Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962‬ and please include your name, hometown, and a callback number in your message.How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Andrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your Heart

Andrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your Heart

In the new movie “We Live in Time,” the actor Andrew Garfield plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dishes together after a dinner party, sharing biscuits, smelling fruit at a farmers’ market. These are the moments that sustain them through Almut’s excruciatingly difficult medical crisis.In this episode, Garfield reads the Modern Love essay “Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss,” by Chris Huntington. His reading was unlike any other in the history of this show. Mr. Garfield was so moved by Mr. Huntington’s essay that he spoke in a surprisingly raw way with the host Anna Martin about the need for art to crack us all open, including himself.We want to hear from you! This year is the 20th anniversary of the Modern Love column, and we want to know what impact reading the column has had on you. Has reading Modern Love made a difference in how you think about your own relationships? How? Tell us by leaving a voice mail message at (212) 589-8962‬. Please include your name, hometown and a callback number, and you might hear yourself on a future episode. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Were We the ‘Fat Couple’?

Were We the ‘Fat Couple’?

Courtenay Hameister worked hard to stop feeling shame about her body size, but she also had a cruel inner monologue that just wouldn’t leave her alone. At times, her internalized fatphobia was so powerful, she couldn’t think about romance at all. But when Courtenay started dating Jason, everything felt different. He was fat, too, as well as smart, funny, and handsome.When Courtenay realized she was starting to gain weight again, though, she became obsessed with the idea that other people were judging her and Jason, and she made a decision she would immediately regret.This episode is adapted from her 2023 essay “Were We the ‘Fat Couple’?”Leave a message on the Modern Love hotline! This year (2024) is the 20th anniversary of the Modern Love column, and we want to know what impact it has had on you. Has reading Modern Love made a difference in how you think about your own relationships? How? Tell us in a voice mail message at (212) 589-8962‬. Please include your name, location and callback number, and you might hear yourself on a future episode.How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Myha’la’s Relationship Advice? Get in a Fight.

Myha’la’s Relationship Advice? Get in a Fight.

On the HBO high finance drama “Industry,” basically everyone serves cruel insults. It’s part of the culture at their bank, Pierpoint. But Myha’la’s character, Harper Stern, goes after friends and enemies with deep, cutting verbal attacks.Myha’la reads a Modern Love essay by a woman with the opposite problem: Laura Pritchett and her husband have avoided conflict for so long, she writes, that the fights they’re not having are tearing them apart. Myha’la also tells the host, Anna Martin, about the kind of communication style she strives to maintain, and what it’s like when she and her fiancé, Armando Rivera, find themselves in a fight.The Season 3 finale of “Industry” drops Sunday night on HBO.Laura Pritchett has written seven novels, including her latest, “Three Keys.”Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? If so, please include your name, your hometown and a callback number in your message: (212) 589-8962‬How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Gillian Anderson Wants to Hear Your Sexiest Fantasies

Gillian Anderson Wants to Hear Your Sexiest Fantasies

The actor Gillian Anderson (“The X-Files,” “The Fall,” “Sex Education”) has become an advocate for sexual openness, whether through her on-screen personas, launching a libido-boosting soda brand, attending the Golden Globes in a vulva-embroidered dress or through her new book, “Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous,” which showcases the secret fantasies of anonymous women, curated by Ms. Anderson herself.Today, Ms. Anderson reads and discusses the Modern Love essay “On Tinder, Off Sex,” which follows a woman who becomes unintentionally celibate after a painful breakup. The author fantasizes about past and potential loves but can’t seem to break out of what her doctor has called “secondary abstinence.” Ms. Anderson tells us about a time she felt similarly, and how a good yoga practice snapped her out of it.We want to hear from you. Tell us how love is showing up in your own life. Call in at (212) 589-8962‬ with your name, location and story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Peter Gallagher’s Marriage Advice? Don’t Get Divorced.

Peter Gallagher’s Marriage Advice? Don’t Get Divorced.

Actor Peter Gallagher (Sex, Lies, & Videotape and The O.C.) met his wife, Paula Harwood, over forty years ago in college in a stairwell meet-cute. Since then, they’ve maintained a loving marriage and managed to raise a family while navigating the world of show business.We talked to Peter on his 41st wedding anniversary, and he read us the Modern Love essay “Failing in Marriage Does Not Mean Failing at Marriage” by Joe Blair. Despite the essayist being kicked out of the house by his wife five times, the couple managed to remain married and learn that a relationship can mean trying together and failing together. Reflecting on the essay, Peter gave us his advice for staying the course.Peter Gallagher will be performing on Broadway this fall in Delia Ephron’s play ‘Left on Tenth.’ Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Liza Colón-Zayas, of ‘The Bear,’ on Loving Someone Who’s in the Fight of Their Life

Liza Colón-Zayas, of ‘The Bear,’ on Loving Someone Who’s in the Fight of Their Life

On the Emmy- and Peabody-winning series “The Bear,” Liza Colón-Zayas plays Tina Marrero, a cook at the Chicago restaurant at the center of the story. Tina and her fellow workers are in a constant struggle for the survival of their restaurant, and they fight just as fiercely with one another. Only at rare moments do we see them drop the tough exterior and show one another love or respect.Today, Colón-Zayas reads “A Web Between Her Body and Mine,” by Karen Paul. It’s a Modern Love essay about two friends who also met at work, but have a different kind of bond: Karen has no problem showing affection to her best friend, Miriam. But after Miriam has a terrible accident, Karen finds herself in uncharted territory, not certain when, or how, to support her. It’s a story Colón-Zayas says she relates to personally, and her reaction to it takes her by surprise. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

¡Hola Papi!, Does My Grandmother Need to Know I’m Gay?

¡Hola Papi!, Does My Grandmother Need to Know I’m Gay?

John Paul Brammer writes the “¡Hola Papi!” advice column for The Cut at New York magazine, answering questions like, “Why am I dreaming about sex with a man when I’m a lesbian?” Or, “What if my partner judges me for writing smut?” This candor has given John Paul an intimate connection with his readers. However, as today’s episode reveals, he doesn’t think we necessarily need that level of openness with all of our loved ones.Ahead of Mother’s Day, Brammer reads an essay about a recent college graduate who sets out to spend the summer exploring his sexuality, but whose plans are derailed by his duty to his grandmother. It’s called “Young, Gay and Single Among the Nuns and Widows” by Kevin Hershey. Brammer says it’s “bizarre” how much this essay resonates with his own life. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Emily Ratajkowski Can Take Care of Herself, but a Little Help Would Be Nice

Emily Ratajkowski Can Take Care of Herself, but a Little Help Would Be Nice

Emily Ratajkowski is doing a balancing act many famously beautiful women have to perform. In her 2021 book “My Body,” she reflects on what it’s been like to build a career based on her public image, and her struggle to control that image in an industry largely run by men. Since getting divorced a few years ago, she’s been thinking a lot about gender dynamics and the type of agency she wants to have in dating, too.Today, Ratajkowski reads “Why I Fell for an ‘I’m the Man’ Man,” by Susan Forray. Forray is also a successful, self-sufficient woman, dating after divorce. She’s surprised to find herself falling for a man with old-fashioned ideas about who does what in a relationship. (He pays for dinner, handles the finances and initiates sex). As a single mom who handles everything, Ratajkowski says, she can relate to the desire to be cared for once in a while. And that doesn’t have to mean playing into a sexist stereotype. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation

Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation

Laufey, the 25-year-old singer-songwriter, has risen to prominence by taking the trials of today’s dating world — casual relationships, no labels and seemingly endless swiping on apps — and turning them into timeless love songs.Today, Laufey reads Coco Mellors’s essay, “An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill,” which is about a woman trying to work through her deep-seated relationship anxieties and attachment issues in an on-again, off-again situationship. Laufey says she, too, has been an anxious partner. While she thinks a toxic relationship, like the one in the essay, can make for a great love song, she now knows secure relationships can make beautiful music, too. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Why John Magaro of ‘Past Lives’ Could Never Love a Picky Eater

Why John Magaro of ‘Past Lives’ Could Never Love a Picky Eater

The actor John Magaro is picky about whom he goes to dinner with. Magaro is an adventurous eater. So whether he’s buying offal from the butcher, making stews from the 1800s or falling in love over a plate of rabbit, he says it’s important to him that the people he shares a meal with are willing to be curious. For Magaro, it’s about more than personal preferences. Sharing a meal and connecting with other people, he says, is the bedrock of society.Magaro played Arthur in “Past Lives,” one of our favorite movies last year. His character is constantly working to understand his wife on a deeper level. And Magaro sees that quality in “My Dinners With Andrew,” by Sara Pepitone, a Modern Love essay about food as a love language, and a series of dinners that make, and break, two relationships. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows

Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows

Over the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: “What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity,” by Karin Jones.In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how much the men missed having sex with their own wives, and how afraid they were to tell them.Jones faced a heavy backlash after the essay was published. Perel reflects on why conversations around infidelity are still so difficult and why she thinks Jones deserves more credit.Esther Perel is on tour in the U.S. Her show is called “An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire.” Check her website for more details. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke

The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke

When Maya Hawke’s famous parents got divorced, she was just a little kid trying to navigate their newly separate worlds. Paparazzi aside, Maya’s experience of shuttling between two homes was still more common than the arrangement described in the essay Maya reads: “Our Kinder, Gentler, Nobody-Moves-Out Divorce,” by Jordana Jacobs.By staying under one roof, Jacobs and her ex-husband spared their young son the distress of having to go back and forth. But this “dad upstairs, mom downstairs” arrangement also meant that Jacobs had to overhear her ex falling in love with his new partner.Today, Hawke reflects on the bittersweet family portrait in Jacobs’s essay, and on divorce’s role in Hawke’s own upbringing.Maya’s latest album, “Chaos Angel,” drops May 31. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

How to Be Real With Your Kids

How to Be Real With Your Kids

Penn Badgley has made a career out of playing deeply troubled characters. From his role as Joe Goldberg on the Netflix series “You” to Dan Humphrey on “Gossip Girl,” Badgley has shown many times over how obsession and delusion can destroy love.In his personal life, though, Badgley says he’s not doing too much brooding. He’s a father and a stepfather, and he opens up about the importance of being vulnerable with his kids. Badgley reads “Watching Them Watching Me” by Dean E. Murphy, an essay about a father who can no longer hide his emotions from his sons after they all experience a devastating loss. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’

Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’

The chef Samin Nosrat lives by the idea that food is love. Her Netflix series, “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat,” and the James Beard Award-winning cookbook that inspired it, were about using food to build community and forge connections. Since then, all of her creative projects and collaborations have focused on inspiring people to cook, and eat, with their friends and loved ones.After the recent loss of her father, Samin has gained an even deeper understanding of what it means to savor a meal — or even an hour — with loved ones. This week, she reads an essay about exactly that: “You May Want to Marry My Husband” by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. It’s one of the most-read Modern Love essays ever. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love

Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love

Brittany Howard, the five-time Grammy Award-winning singer, makes vibrant, dynamic music about love.As the frontwoman of the band Alabama Shakes, she was celebrated for the power and emotionality of her voice. When she began her solo career in 2019 with “Jaime,” an album named after and dedicated to her older sister, who died at 13, Howard revealed new dimensions of her songwriting and herself.Her latest album, “What Now,” captures the intensity of processing the past and starting anew. Today, Howard reads a Modern Love essay about the courage it takes to fall back in love: “Was She Just Another Nicely Packaged Pain Delivery System?” by Judith Fetterley. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.